We Have Always Been At War With East Asia

BATON ROUGE, Louisiana (HAND) - President George W. Bush said on Sunday that Congress ought to consider giving the U.S. military the lead role in "just about everything."

Bush has spent the last several years sending the military into Afghanistan, Iraq, and most recently, Louisiana and Texas to help with those displaced by Hurricanes Katrina and Rita. Today, at a news conference at U.S. Northern Command in Colorado, Bush said: "Are these guys great or what? You send them places and they do cool shit with all sorts of shiny-looking gear. We should send them everywhere!"

Maj. Gen. John Frink, who briefed Bush at Randolph Air Force Base in San Antonio, urged him to create a national plan for "a large military presence everywhere in the country, and in several other countries of the Military's choosing."

Illustrating the disorganization in Katrina's wake, Frink recounted an incident in New Orleans in which five helicopters showed up at the same time to rescue one person.

"That's the sort of simplistic thing we'd like to avoid," Frink told Bush. "One sniper could have taken that guy out much more easily."

Bush said Congress would have to consider whether the Defense Department should take the lead role in "all activities of any nature." But he said, "If they don't vote for it, we'll just send in some grunts in Blackhawks to neutralize 'em."

Louisiana Sen. Mary Landrieu, a Democrat, expressed reticence about that approach.

Landrieu said the military has a strong role to play "but so do our governors and our local elected officials."

"I mean we do have a democracy and a citizenship that has elected mayors, county commissioners and governors particularly," she said.

In response, Bush said, "Huh?"